DH and I were enjoying some quiet time the other night, meaning he was following cricket on his laptop and I was facebooking on mine. I was looking at pictures from this acquaintance of mine. We’ve known these people for some time, but they’re by no means close friends of ours. I was checking out pictures from their latest vacation and happened to show DH one picture where the lady had received a number of complimentary comments.
He glanced at the picture and said “Eh, she looks okay, I guess.” I was a little shocked, honestly the woman looked good, definitely better than okay. So I called out DH on his reaction and said he wasn’t being fair. His response “She can be the hottest woman on earth but if she does not have good qualities, she can never be very attractive to me. Knowing what I know of her, rest assured I am never going to find her very attractive.”
I have known of this philosophy of DH’s for some time but the man can be very tight-lipped about women and their attractiveness and/or hotness. So, he’s never cared to elaborate. Sensing an opening, I pushed “So, what is it that makes women attractive to you?”
He said “A woman can be extremely unattractive physically but if she has compassion, if she’s affectionate, has a sense of humor, can be one of the guys from time to time and knows how to treat people well, her attractiveness will be multiplied manifold. On the other hand she can be Miss World but if she’s one of those chui-mui (delicate darlings), high-flying, superficial, shopping crazy, a nag, believes in huge doses of public display of affection and wants to be the center of attention all the time then she’s just not the type that does it for me. What works perfectly is some combination of the 2. A woman who is pretty, not overly so, but is fun to spend time with, is able to take a joke, has some culinary skills – a man can’t always order out and has the ability to be giving and unselfish with the more important relationships.”
I countered “That’s just you, that’s your yardstick for how you measure women, this may not be true for other men.” He goes “Main aam aadmi hoon (I am your average man), sure enough, over 90% of men think of women the way I do,”
Now, now, I know most of you women out there are trying to figure out what end of the spectrum you belong to, but eyeballs on the post, please. I’m trying to drum up some numbers here. The poor blog’s been languishing the last few days.
Now obviously, I wanted to know what category I belonged to. Secretly, I was hoping he’d say that I am drop dead gorgeous, probably break into “Ek ladki ko dekha” while telling me that I was also the paragon of womanly virtues. But the cheek of the man, he says “You are attractive to me, that’s all I am going to say.”
So, does that mean I am drop dead gorgeous and have a few of the qualities he’s looking for, or that I am reasonably good-looking and an average cook, wife, mother who tries her best, or does it mean I am butt ugly but I am an excellent cook, mother, wife etc?
Egads…. who knew a compliment (??) could lead to so many questions.
The same night we are watching some soap (no, we did not abandon the laptops, we are adept at multitasking) where the wife, as is always the case, is the last to find out that her husband is having an affair and there is major drama with lots of tears and mera suhaag (en purusan thaan, enakku mattum thaan) type dialog. I have had it up to here with wives crying and lamenting and just being general idiots and not noticing lipstick marks and women’s perfume on their husbands. So I announce to DH “If you want to have an affair, you have my blessing. Just please let me know before the world finds out. That way I won’t have to look blotchy faced and big nosed. (I look positively awful when I cry and there’s no need to subject the man to that look unless it’s netting me expensive jewellery)”
And he says, “Now, that’s why I am glad you’re my wife and that’s what makes you so attractive to me.”
So, it’s settled then, I am not drop dead gorgeous. I am attractive because I am going to let him have an affair